The Famous Failures

When you feel a little discouraged, just remember what these people accomplished when everyone else looked at them as failures. Believe in Yourself!

Einstein was 4 years old before he could speak.

Isaac Newton did poorly in grade school and was considered "unpromising."

When Thomas Edison was a youngster, his teacher told him he was too stupid to learn anything. He was counseled to go into a field where he might succeed by virtue of his pleasant personality.

F.W. Woolworth got a job in a dry goods store when he was 21, but his boss would not permit him to wait on customers because he "didn't have enough sense to close a sale."

Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.

Bob Cousy, a legendary Boston Celtic basketball player, suffered the same fate, but he too is a Hall of Famer.

A newspaper editor fired Walt Disney because he "lacked imagination and had no original ideas."

Winston Churchill failed 6th grade and had to repeat it because he did not complete the tests that were required for promotion.

Babe Ruth struck out 1,300 times, a major league record.

A person may make mistakes, but this is not a failure until he or she starts blaming someone else. We must believe in ourselves, and somewhere along the road of life we will meet someone who sees greatness in us and let us know it.

I am Your Determination!

- Allen Steble

I am hope in a stream of hopelessness
I am a dream in a cloud of nightmares
I am love when hate abounds
I am light when darkness surrounds
I am the last breath in fatigue
I am the doubt that only you believe
I am the finishing step
In your endless race
I am the burst of speed
That puts you in first place
I am the part of you that doesn't give up

I am the open path in an endless maze
I am the lush water puddle in a dry desert
I am the last peach on a dying tree
I am the touch of life that sets you free
I am everything you lack
I am the second chance that takes you back
I am the iron shield when you take a blow
I am the one to show you where to go
I am that final thought in your mind
That pushes you to the end
I have always been your greatest friend
I am the part of you that doesn't give up

I am as pristine as the orange ocean sunset
I am as beautiful as the twinkling stars
I am the haste it takes to make it that far
I am as powerful as a raging waterfall
I am the strength to climb any wall
I am the courage in a moment of fear
I am your last bitter crying tear
Before you rise back up
And take what's rightfully yours
I am always there for you
Even when you least expect it
I am the part of you that keeps on going
And with every smile keeps on growing
I am the part of you that never gives up

...I am your determination!

Focus!!!

-- J.D. Meier

Focus is the key to success for many people.  I put together proven practices for how to focus in a comprehensive set of “Focus Guidelines”.

One of my mentors, a seasoned manager, once told me that the difference that makes the difference – why some people succeed and others do not – is focus. Those that lack focus spread themselves too thin, or never finish what they start. They have a lot of dreams, ambition, and ideas but they never spend enough time working on any one thing to make it happen. On the flip side, those with focus, know what they want to accomplish, and they apply concentrated effort, and see it through to completion. They also focus on less, yet achieve more.

I set out to nail a set of proven practices that could help anybody improve their ability to focus.   I gave myself a timebox of four hours to see what I could put together for a v1 release.  I sanity checked the results with a few folks that said it very much echoed what they thought were the keys to improving focus, so now I’m sharing with a broader audience.  (If you’re wondering why I gave myself a timebox of four hours for this it was to help me focus Winking smile   Focus is a complex topic and deserves attention, but I also have other priorities I’m working on.  I was willing to spend 2 hours Saturday and 2 hours Sunday to chip away at this stone, if it could help the greater good to have a robust set of practices that actually work for achieving the highest levels of focus.  I expect my four hour investment to help many others get exponential results and help them take their game to a new level, by expanding their mental toolbox.  Even if that’s not the case, spending four hours to work on such a key cross-cutting skill for life is still a good investment.)

These practices are time-tested and Softie approved.  As you can imagine, with all the bright and shiny objects that go flying around, it takes skill and discipline to stay focused.  The beauty though is that if you know the key strategies and tactics for improving your focus, then it actually gets a lot easier to focus where it counts and enjoy the ride.

What Works Against Focus:

1) Conflict, confusion, and chaos.
2) Internal distractions.
3) External distractions.
4) Mental chatter.
5) Lack of vision or clarity.
6) Lack of discipline.
7) Lack of structure.
8) Lack of progress.

Key Strategies for Focus :

1) Get clear on what you want.
2) Start with your “why.”'
3) Align your focus and your values.'
4) Use time frames to scope your focus.
5) Expand your attention span.
6) Use 20-minute intervals to focus with skill.
7) Reduce distractions.
8) Spend your attention with skill.
9) Structure for success'.
10) Chart your progress.

Guidelines at a Glance for Improving Focus:

 
1) Apply concentrated effort.
2) Ask yourself, “What are you rushing through for?”
3) Clear away external & internal distractions.
4) Create routines to help you focus.
5) Use the Rule of Three. Simply identify three goals for the day, three goals for the week, three goals for the month, and three goals for the year. When you read a book, to stay focused, simply look for three take aways you can turn into action. If you’re in a meeting, look for three take aways.The Rule of Three can help you focus in just about any scenario.

Gain Control of your Future by Creating it

-Jamie Wood

As individuals we have to gain control of our future by creating it, not being pushed around by it. We have to make clear what our organization stands for and maintain accountable for our future. Successful leaders understand that leading change in today’s organizations depends to a large extent on creating resilience and flexibility in dealing with the future. We must not wait for miracles to happen or things to get better; we have to create the future on our own terms.

“My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.” ~ Charles Kettering

The role of leadership is to create a future of possibilities for our organizations through an evolving business model – one distinctly different from the past. We must not be hindered by the inability of letting go of the past and not seeing what is possible and what is in front of us, because we are too busy holding on to what was behind us.

Strong leaders quest endlessly for new opportunities to expand; they do not accept the limits of existing products and existing markets. The spirit of innovation keeps fresh ideas flowing and reinvigorates us. We must move towards the future we want, not just react to a present-day reality we don’t like. We must grab hold of it, bring it into the present, and then go about creating it.

“Seizing the initiative can make all the difference between winning and losing.” ~ Thomas Davis III

Without a future vision, resources are underutilized, our organizational purpose is unfulfilled, and individual energy can be misdirected. A growth attitude is essential in order to overcome the stagnation of operations and the complacency that naturally occurs.

Many business leaders are only focused on survival and management of the day to day, but if we want to lead our businesses into the future, we must have a vision and think strategically about the future. Without knowing where we are, we are unable to deal with the changes that are needed to move to the next level of success. We must focus on improving efficiency and effectiveness of our current activities and reflect on improvements. We should ask ourselves these very basic questions:

    Where are we now?

    Where do we want to go?

    How do we get there?

Until we know the answers to the questions, it will always be an uphill struggle, but when we know the answers, everything else will fall into place.

The road is not as hard or as long when we know where we are going. Remember the old saying – “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there”. We must clearly articulate where we are going and why, to have the best chance for success.

The key is to look inside ourselves and our company. In any business, there are clues, often subtle, both internal and external to help guide future direction and to identify opportunities. Creating business foresight and strategy with a long-term view – will be essential to success. Monitoring future trends and new profit opportunities will come from organizations that see the future first and become ready, while anticipating and evolving before the competition does.

We must create our own roadmap and we have to start with a vision. To be clear, a vision is not a strategic plan. It is quite simply a picture of what success will be at a particular time in the future.  Our vision articulates where we are going; the strategic plan tells us how we’re actually going to get there. We must ask ourselves if we have both a vision and a strategy. We must think about our vision for our future and really know what we want to achieve.

“Good business leaders create a vision, articulate the vision, passionately own the vision, and relentlessly drive it to completion.” ~ Jack Welch

To dramatically change our business:

    We must decide what our company’s ideal future looks like

    Determine what qualities we need to attain it

    Understand the steps that are needed to bring the desired outcome

Without such a plan, we will have nothing concrete to run towards and we would have to be content to stay where we are. We should take our time planning and working on the issues, challenges and opportunities that lie ahead. We must have clearly defined and focused milestones and goals. And these must be subject to frequent review to ensure our thinking is validated.

We must take control of our future and accept responsibility for the choices we need to make. Either we are in this for the long haul or we might as well throw in the towel right now. We can sit back and hope that everything will work out; or we take direct action and do whatever it takes to reach our vision of success.

How To Recover From 10 Types of Demotivation

 by Cath Duncan

Motivation is central to creativity, productivity and happiness. Motivation is what causes us to act, and when we act, we create movement, growth and change, we feel involved, masterful and significant, we feel powerful through experiencing how we can change the world, and we create more of what we love in our lives. And all of this gives our lives purpose and happiness.

De-motivation is like snow
It’s said that Eskimos have multiple words for snow because snow is so familiar to them that they can appreciate the subtle differences between different types of snow. These additional distinctions enable Eskimos to respond differently to different types of snow, depending on the challenges and opportunities each particular type of snow is presenting them with.

Most of us have just one distinction for demotivation, which means that you’re likely to assume that you’re struggling with the same problem whenever you’re demotivated, when in fact demotivation is a category of problems that has many different distinctions within it. When you have just one distinction for demotivation, you’ll apply the same old strategies whenever you feel demotivated, which for many people looks like this: set goals, push harder, create accountability checks that will push you, and run your life using GTD methods and to-do lists. These strategies are ineffective with most types of de-motivation, and in some instances they can even make you more demotivated.

At its essence, demotivation is about you not being fully committed to act, and there are many reasons why you might be in that position. Having more distinctions for your demotivation will help you to identify the real reasons for your unwillingness to commit to action, so that you can pick the right tools and strategies to get motivated again.

Here are 10 different types of demotivation and the strategies that will help you to get motivated again:

1.) You’re demotivated by fear 
When you’re afraid, even if you’re entering territory that you’ve chosen to move into, a part of yourself is determined to avoid going forward. Fear slows you down and makes you hesitant and careful, which can be beneficial to you, but sometimes your fears are based on your imagination rather than an accurate assessment of the risks in your reality. If your fear is big enough, even if you’re also excited to go forward, the part of you that wants to keep you safe can successfully prevent you from going forward into territory that’s both desirable and safe.

How to get motivated again: To get motivated, you need to deal with your fear. Start by naming your fears so that they’re out in the open. Remember to say a gentle thank you to your fears – they’re trying to protect you after all. Then question your fears; “Why am I afraid of that happening?” “What are the chances that would really happen?” Some of your fears will slip away now.

Look at the fears that are left. What are these fears telling you about the research you need to do, the gaps you need to fill and the risk management strategies you need to put in place? Honor that wisdom by building it into your plan. Finally, consider breaking the changes you’re wanting to make down into smaller steps and focus on just the next few small steps – this will calm your fears.

2.) You’re demotivated by setting the wrong goals 
Martha Beck has a great model for understanding motivation. She explains that we have an Essential Self and a Social Self. Your Essential Self is the part of you that’s spontaneous and creative and playful, the part that knows what’s most important to you. Your Social Self is the part of you that developed since the day you were born, learning the rules of the tribe and working hard to make sure that you’re safe by making you follow the rules of the tribe.

We’re all surrounded with so many messages that feed into our Social Selves and we’re keen to impress our tribe. When you feel demotivated, it’s because you’re setting goals based purely on what your Social Self wants and this is pulling you away from the direction your Essential Self is wanting you to take. Your Essential Self uses demotivation to slow you down and try to disinterest you from the toxic goals you’ve set.

How to get motivated again: Take some time to review your goals. Because your Essential Self is non-verbal, you can easily access your Essential Self through your body. Notice how your body responds as you think of each of the goals you’re trying to work on. When your body (and particularly your breathing) show signs of tightness and constriction, that’s a pretty good indication that you’re trying to follow toxic goals. If you get a constricted reaction, scrap your current goals and question all your stories about what you “should” do with your life. Notice what makes you smile spontaneously or lose track of time and set goals around that stuff instead.

3.) You’re demotivated by lack of clarity about what you want 
When you haven’t consciously and clearly articulated what you want, your picture of your future will be vague. We like what’s familiar and so we resist what’s unfamiliar and vague and we stay with and re-create what’s familiar to us instead. If you’re not clear about what you want to create, then it makes sense that you’ll lack motivation to act because you’d rather stay with your current familiar reality.

How to get motivated again: If you want to create something different to what you’ve been experiencing, it’s not enough to just know what you don’t want. You need to know what you want instead, and you need to articulate a clear and specific vision of what you want to create so that you can become familiar with that new outcome and feel comfortable to move towards it. Take some time to articulate what you want and why you want it.

4.) You’re demotivated by a values-conflict
 Your values are what’s important to you in life. If you have a values conflict it means that there are two or more values that are important to you but you feel that you can’t satisfy all of those values in a particular situation. This causes you to feel conflicted and pulled in different directions as you try to find ways to get what’s important to you. You might have brief spurts of motivation to work on something and then lose motivation and start working on something else or your motivation might dry up altogether because the energy of dealing with internal conflict quickly tires you out and saps your motivation.

How to get motivated again: You need to unpack your values-conflict and play mediator to get the parts of you that are advocating for different values to play on the same team again. Start with acknowledging the internal conflict. Grab a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle so that you have two columns. Write about the two different directions you feel pulled in, one in each column and summarize it with a statement of what each part wants. Now pick one column and chunk it up; “Why does this part want that? What does it hope to get as a result of having that?” Keep asking the question and writing your answers until you feel that you’ve hit on the end result that part ultimately wants. Now do the same for the other part and notice when you get to the level where the answers in the two columns are the same.

Ultimately, when you chunk up, all of the parts of yourself always want the same thing, because they’re all you. Now that you know what you really want, you can evaluate the strategies that each part had been advocating for and decide which strategy would work best.

Often once you’re clear on what you really want, you spot new strategies for getting it that you hadn’t noticed before. Sometimes by doing this exercise you’ll find ways to satisfy all of your values, but sometimes that’s not possible. If you’ve taken time to think through your values and you’ve consciously chosen to prioritize a particular value over your other values for a while, this clarity will ease the internal conflict and your motivation will return.

5.) You’re demotivated by lack of autonomy 
We thrive on autonomy. We all have a decision-making center in our brains and this part of us needs to be exercised. Studies have found that this decision-making center in the brain is under-developed in people who have depression and that, by practicing using this part of the brain and making decisions, depression often clears.

In his book, Drive, Daniel Pink writes about the research that shows that when it comes to doing creative work, having some autonomy to decide what we do, when we do it, how we do it and who we do it with is core to igniting and sustaining motivation, creativity and productivity.

How to get motivated again: Consider how much autonomy you have in relation to the goals you’ve been trying to pursue. Are there areas where you feel constricted and controlled? Consider how you could gradually introduce more autonomy in your task, time, technique, location and team, and then if you’re employed, have a discussion with your manager and ask for greater autonomy in a few specific areas of your work.

6.) You’re demotivated by lack of challenge 
Challenge is another crucial ingredient for motivation that authors like Daniel Pink and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of “Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience,” highlight. When it comes to dealing with challenges, there’s a sweet spot. Too great a challenge and the fear becomes too great and saps our motivation (see point 1), and if the challenge is too small, we quickly get bored and struggle to stay motivated. We’re designed to be living, growing creatures and we need constant challenge and opportunities to master new skills. Without challenge, our Essential Self steps in and demotivates us as a way of telling us that we’ve departed from the path that’s right for us.

How to get motivated again: Review your goals and the projects you’re working on. Are they challenging you? Are they going to require you to grow in order to achieve them or are you treading water in your comfort zone doing only the things you know you can do? Try tweaking your goals to make them a bit more challenging, take on projects that will require you to grow and find a new thing or two to learn to stimulate yourself.

7.) You’re demotivated by grief
 At the beginning of any change, we go through a phase of wondering if we should or could hang onto the way things were and grieving what we’d be losing if we make significant changes. Confusion, self-doubt, mistrust of the world around us and feeling lost are common symptoms and the bigger the change, the more powerful these symptoms. Sometimes we even go through a bit of depression and social withdrawal. Martha Beck calls this the “Death and Rebirth” phase of change in her book, Finding Your Own North Star. With all the grieving and fearing and feeling lost that goes on in this phase, it’s normal for your motivation to dry up.

How to get motivated again: If you’ve just experienced a trauma or loss, or are going through a major change and finding that there are days where you’re hit hard with Death and Rebirth symptoms, don’t try to make make yourself motivated and proactive. You can’t rush grieving and the undoing of your old life and ways of thinking and you can’t skip the Death and Rebirth phase and go straight into Dreaming and Scheming.

You need to give yourself a lot of space for nurturing and reflection. Look after your body with good food, rest and exercise. Express your grief, confusion and fears with people who can listen lovingly. Spend time in nature and with calm, loving people to center yourself. Accept every feeling and thought you have – they’re all normal and safe. Take one day at a time and go easy on yourself. Confusion, forgetfulness and clumsiness are all normal in this stage. The grieving will end when it’s ready and if you relax into it and express your grief, it’ll be sooner rather than later.

8.) You’re demotivated by loneliness 
This is an especially important one for those of us who work alone from home. You know those days when you feel a bit cabin-feverish, you just don’t feel like working and you’d rather be out having a drink with a friend or playing a game of soccer? Well perhaps it’s because we’re designed to be social creatures and sometimes your Essential Self is just longing for some connection with other people and so it steps in and hi-jacks your work motivation so that you’ll take a break from work and go and spend some time with other people and give your Essential Self what it needs.

How to get motivated again: Take a break and go and spend some time with someone you enjoy. You may be surprised at the motivating impact this has and find yourself much more clear and productive when you return to your work. And then look for ways that you can begging to build more networking and joint venturing into your work.

9.) You’re demotivated by burn-out 
Since I attract over-achieving Type A’s, and as a recovering Type A myself, I know that sometimes we’re banging on about wanting to get more done even after we’ve exceeded the limit on what’s sustainable. If you’re feeling tired all the time, have lost your energy for socializing, and the idea of taking a snooze sounds more compelling than the stuff you’re usually interested in, then you’ve probably pushed yourself too long and hard and you may be burned out.

Your Essential Self will always work to motivate you to move towards what you most need and away from goals, projects and ways of working that take you away from what your Essential Self craves. So if you’re burned out and needing sleep, your Essential Self may even sap the motivation from the things that you’re usually really ignited about – just to get you to meet your core needs again.

How to get motivated again: Sleep. And then when you’re done sleeping and the quality of your thinking has been restored, check back in with your Essential Self about what’s most important to you, hang out here on Charlie’s blog, pick up The Dojo, and start to build sustainable ways of doing more of what’s important to you.

10.) You’re demotivated by not knowing what to do next 
Your end-goal might be nice and clear, but if you haven’t taken time to chunk your end-goal down into smaller goals, you’ll get stuck, confused and demotivated when it’s time to take action. Some projects are small and familiar enough that they don’t need a plan, but if you’re often worrying that you don’t know what to do next and you don’t have a clear plan, then this might be the source of your demotivation.

How to get motivated again: If you want to keep your motivation flowing steadily through all stages of your projects, take time to create clear project plans and to schedule your plans into your calendar.

Use your fears to point you to the potential risks you need to manage in your plan. Write down all your, “I-don’t-know-how-to” concerns and turn these into research questions. The first part of any planning stage is research, and you’ll find new research questions along the way, so realize that conducting research should be part of your action plan at every stage of your project. Finally, ask yourself what smaller goals need to be achieved for you to achieve your end-goal and schedule deadlines for yourself.

Goal-setting and pushing is rarely the answer 
Goal-setting, planning, organizing and accountability structures are often touted as the big solution to demotivation and the silver bullet that will get you creative and productive again, but notice that it’s only a useful strategy for dealing with some types of demotivation. With many other types of demotivation, goal-setting, planning, organizing and accountability structures will only make your demotivation problem worse.

Over to you… 
Have you been able to pin-point the type/s of demotivation that you tend to struggle with most? 
Have you been stuck in demotivation right now? 
What do you need and which motivation strategy is going to give you what you need right now?

Commit to Think

In 1849 Walter Hunt wanted to pay a fifteen-dollar debt to a friend. So he decided to invent something new. From a piece of brass wire about eight inches long, coiled at the centre and shielded at one end, he made the first safety pin. He took out a patent on his invention, sold the rights to it for four hundred dollars, paid his friend back and had three hundred eighty-five dollars to spare.

We believe, every human being is capable of becoming a great innovator or inventor. It is really a matter of doing something which you intend to do. Every person is born with this innovative spirit, sure some more than others, I am certain you got some innovator genes along the way. But even if you did not get an extra dose of innovator genes, with a little work you can become a world-class innovator.

Anyone with practice can become a great innovator and become what you think about most. If you wish to become an innovator all you need to do is to commit yourself to think.

What is 'Recession'? [Nice Story]

This story is about a man who once upon a time was selling hotdogs by the roadside.

He was illiterate, so he never read newspapers.

He was hard of hearing, so he never listened to the radio.

His eyes were weak, so he never watched television.

But enthusiastically, he sold lots of hotdogs.

He was smart enough to offer some attractive schemes to increase his sales.

His sales and profit went up.

He ordered more a more raw material and buns and use to sale more.

He recruited few more supporting staff to serve more customers.

He started offering home deliveries. Eventually he got himself a bigger and better stove.

As his business was growing, the son, who had recently graduated from College, joined his father.

Then something strange happened.

The son asked, "Dad, aren't you aware of the great recession that is coming our way?"

The father replied, "No, but tell me about it." The son said, "The international situation is terrible. The domestic situation is even worse. We should be prepared for the coming bad times."

The man thought that since his son had been to college, read the papers, listened to the radio and watched TV. He ought to know and his advice should not be taken lightly.

So the next day onwards, the father cut down the his raw material order and buns, took down the colourful signboard, removed all the special schemes he was offering to the customers and was no longer as enthusiastic.

He reduced his staff strength by giving layoffs. Very soon, fewer and fewer people bothered to stop at his hotdog stand. And his sales started coming down rapidly, same is the profit.

The father said to his son, "Son, you were right".

"We are in the middle of a recession and crisis. I am glad you warned me ahead of time."

MORAL OF THE STORY: It's all in your MIND! And we actually FUEL this recession much more than it is.

Be Enthusiastic

Nothing great is ever achieved without enthusiasm. --Ralph Waldo Emerson

Enthusiasm and success go hand in hand, but enthusiasm comes first. Enthusiasm inspires confidence, raises morale, builds loyalty! and is priceless. Enthusiasm is contagious. You can feel enthusiasm by the way a person talks, walks or shakes hands. Enthusiasm is a habit that one can acquire and practice.

Many decades ago, Charles Schwab, who was earning a salary of a million dollars a year, was asked if he was being paid such a high salary because of his exceptional ability to produce steel. Charles Schwab replied, "I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among the men the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a man is by appreciation and encouragement."

Live while you are alive. Don't die before you are dead.

Enthusiasm and desire are what change mediocrity to excellence.

Water turns into steam with a difference of only one degree in temperature and steam can move some of the biggest engines in the world.

That is what enthusiasm helps us to do in our lives.

Why goals???

On the best sunny day, the most powerful magnifying glass will not light paper if you keep moving the glass. But if you focus and hold it, the paper will light up. That is the power of concentration.

A man was traveling and stopped at an intersection. He asked an elderly man, "Where does this road take me?" The elderly person asked, "Where do you want to go?" The man replied, "I don't know." The elderly person said, "Then take any road. What difference does it make?"

How true. When we don't know where we are going, any road will take us there.

Suppose you have all the football eleven players, enthusiastically ready to play the game, all charged up, and then someone took the goal post away. What would happen to the game? There is nothing left. How do you keep score? How do you know you have arrived?

Enthusiasm without direction is like wildfire and leads to frustration. Goals give a sense of direction. Would you sit in a train or a plane without knowing where it was going? The obvious answer is no. Then why do people go through life without having any goals?

How to Prioritize When Everything Is Important

Alan Henry

You know that sinking feeling you have when there's too much on your plate? When you try to tackle your tasks by priority, but it feels like everything's important? Don't get overwhelmed—it's a problem that everyone faces at some point or another, and while it's difficult to skillfully juggle multiple priorities and competing responsibilities, it's not impossible. Here's how.

It just so happens that there's a career that focuses specifically on juggling competing tasks and priorities: These people are called project managers. And as luck would have it, I was a full time PM for many years, PMP-certified and everything. In that time, I learned a number of helpful tricks that can help you manage your workload at the office as well as your ever-growing list of to-dos at home, with your family, or with your friends. Here's how you can apply some of those techniques to your everyday life.

First, Answer the Question: Is Everything Really Important?
Even if everything on your plate is supposed to be equally important, you still need a way to break down which ones you spend your time on, and how you slice up your time. The first question you have to get past is whether or not everything really is of equal importance. Here are a couple of tips to help you cut through the fog and get a feel for how important your responsibilities and projects really are.

Grill the boss. At work, you have a manager. At home, you're your own boss. One of the primary responsibilities of any manager is to help you understand what's important, what's not, and what you should be working on. You may have a manager at the office who does this (or needs your help doing it well), but everywhere else, you're in charge of your own work, and no one's going to tell you that backing up your data is more important right now than painting the house. It's easy to give up and think "it's all important," but at work, you can lean in and tell your boss that you really need their help. At home, sometimes you just have to pick something from your to-do list and get started to build some momentum.

Ask around. If you're prioritizing tasks that involve other people, like your family, friends, and coworkers, talk to them. Find out from them when they need your help, how much work is backed up behind the things you're working with them on, and if they can lend a hand. If they don't need you for another week and someone else needs you tomorrow, or if they aren't as busy as you are, you know what to do.
   
Work backwards. We'll get into this a little more later, but you probably have an idea of when each of your tasks are due—or at least when you'd like them done by—and how much time is required to work on each item. Start with the due dates, take into account how much effort you need to put into each one and how much input you need from others, and work backwards to find out what you should be working on right now (or what you should have already started, in some cases).
   
Cover Your A**. Finally, once you've taken some time to determine what's really important and arranged them based on what you think you should tackle first, it's time to put it in writing and share it with everyone involved. Set expectations with others for when you'll get your work done for them, and set expectations with yourself for when you'll have time to work on your own projects. This is more important in a work setting, but involving others in your non-work to-dos can also keep you—and others—accountable.

Get Organized
In order for your priorities to even matter, you need to have some sort of a personal productivity system in place to which you hold yourself accountable—and in which your priorities will actually matter. If you've got a tried and true system, great. If not, check out our guide to building one that's right for you.

The goal of your system, whichever you select, is to take away the need for you to waste time deciding what to work on next, even when you have a lot on your plate. I've found that David Allen's GTD framework is one of the most effective methods for me, mostly because it focuses on what you should do now and what your next actions should be, and it emphasizes getting your to-dos out of your head and into some system that will help you work. I've mentioned before that I manage my to-dos in ReQall, but there are plenty of other options, like previously mentioned Wunderlist, or if you work on a team, Asana, a collaborative tool we adore.

Whichever tool and productivity method you choose, dump your to-dos and projects into it as quickly as possible. Make sure it's something you'll actually return to and use frequently, and something that's easy to fit into your workflow, and you'll be successful. In the end, you want something easy to refer to, easy to enter tasks into, and that gives you a great view of all of the balls you have in the air at any time.

Behold, The Trinity: Cost, Scope, and Time
When I was a project manager, one of the first things I learned to help me judge which projects were most important or needed the most attention is the "triple constraint," or a triangle with three equilateral sides. Each side represents the cost of the project, the scope of the project, and the time required to complete the project. None of the sides can be adjusted without making changes to the other two sides. The sides you're weakest in help determine the projects that need special attention. This holds true for all things, not just projects and project managers: If someone heaps more work onto you (scope), but insists that you finish in the same amount of time (time), you'll need more resources (cost) to get the job done.

For example, if you want to paint the spare room in time for out-of-town guests to stay over, you can't change the size of the job (scope), but you can control whether you buckle down and do it yourself overnight (time), or get someone else to do it for you while you do something else (cost). Here's how you can use these three principles to organize your everyday to-dos.

Time: Work Backwards From Your Deadlines. Time is usually the one variable most of us can't change. Deadlines are deadlines, and often we're not the ones who set them. This is where working backwards from due dates is crucial. Start a spreadsheet, and mark down when each project or task on your plate needs to be finished. Then work backwards to the present day, taking into account everything each specific to-do that needs to be done to get from here to there, and how long it takes to complete. When you're finished, you'll likely see a bunch of tasks that should have started already and others that hopefully won't start for a while if you're going to make the deadline. That list, by itself, is a good indicator of what your priorities are, what you should be working on right now, what you should work on next, and perhaps most importantly, what you should get help with—especially if they're tasks that should have started a week ago.
   
Cost: Get Help from Family, Friends, and Coworkers. Cost means more than just dollars. It also means people who can help you, or services you can call to give you a hand or take the load off. Could you finish faster if someone else worked on it for you? What if a teammate could take part of the job off your hands and you could pick it up later? Perhaps there's a program or application that can automate the process for you, and it's pretty cheap. It may be worth spending money or dragging in friends to help you finish renovating the kitchen before you run out of vacation days, or calling someone to install your new washing machine so you don't have to take time off to do it.
   
Scope: Don't Be Afraid to Make Compromises. If your to-dos have to be done by a certain time and you can't get help, it's time to sit down with the people waiting on you and start making some deals. Let them know what you can deliver by when, and then go on to explain what you can give them later. This is important, because it sends the message that you're not trying to avoid the work you have to do, but you're trying to give them something now that they can use while you keep working in the background to get them everything else on their wish list. The sooner you stop thinking of your to-dos in terms of all-or-nothing, the sooner you'll have the flexibility to say "I'll give you this tomorrow if you give me a week to give you the rest."

Delegate, Delegate, Delegate
It's easy for us to toil away in obscurity, quietly hating our lives and our jobs and growing more frustrated with every passing minute. All the while, there may be a friend who's willing to help if we had only asked, or a boss who would be willing to help you out if you asked the right questions or gave them the right information.

We've talked about how difficult it can be to delegate, and how to delegate effectively in the past, but however you go about it, it's important to remember that you need to be assertive, not aggressive when asking for help, and you need to make your case with all of the data you have available. By now, you should have your priorities laid out and you have a good idea what you need. Use that information to ask for help and prove you need it, and remember, don't be upset if your friends, boss, or coworkers say no.

Buckle Up, It's Going to be a Bumpy Ride
Using this method to set your own priorities and keep track of your own responsibilities isn't just something you should do when you're starting to feel overwhelmed. If the walls are closing in on you, yes, it's definitely time to take a good, hard look at what's on your plate, what can come off, and what has to give, but waiting until you're already busy and stressed out will make it especially difficult to make the changes you need to get your head above water. Even so, it's essential, and once you do it you'll never look back. Hopefully, you can apply these tricks to your work, at home, and in your day-to-day life. Once you really understand what you have to work on and how long it takes, you'll be able to make smart decisions about whether you can take on that big new project at work, or help your best friend plan their bachelor party.

How do you want to be remembered?

About a hundred years ago, a man looked at the morning newspaper and to his surprise and horror, read his name in the obituary column. The news papers had reported the death of the wrong person by mistake. His first response was shock. Am I here or there?

When he regained his composure, his second thought was to find out what people had said about him. The obituary read, "Dynamite King Dies." And also "He was the merchant of death." This man was the inventor of dynamite and when he read the words "merchant of death," he asked himself a question, "Is this how I am going to be remembered?" 

He got in touch with his feelings and decided that this was not the way he wanted to be remembered. From that day on, he started working toward peace. His name was Alfred Nobel and he is remembered today by the great Nobel Prize.

Just as Alfred Nobel got in touch with his feelings and redefined his values, we should step back and do the same.

What is your legacy?

How would you like to be remembered?

Will you be spoken well of?

Will you be remembered with love and respect?

Will you be missed?

Buidling Trust with your boss

Trust is the basic foundation factor when you are building a company. Trust is the binding cement of any relationship, including a  business. Good leadership is very important; but nothing really works if there is no trust.

How Do You Build Trust With Your Boss?

Do not lie about anything – while a white lie is forgivable here and there; you should never lie about serious matters.  It is always better to own up to a mistake than cover up for it; for no matter how much you try, the lie will be exposed sooner than later and when this happens, your boss will never trust you again; neither will your co-workers.

Be loyal to your company – if you are a valuable employee, you will definitely attract invitations to join other companies; other companies may approach you to find out about things in your company. If you feel you need to leave to promote your career, by all means do so. But good leadership skills demand that you never bad mouth your company or your boss in this process. These types of things get around and you will be branded as an untrustworthy person.

Be dependable – your boss should be able to depend on you for any given task. He should be able to count on you to bring any given task to its logical end. Dependability is one of the key good leadership skills that you need to develop.

Ability to admit mistakes – you should be able to admit your failures. Your boss will appreciate, respect and definitely trust you if he knows that you are a person who owns up when he commits a blunder. Good leadership skills demands that you honest.

Are completely transparent in your work dealings –be completely transparent in your work dealings with team members, those you manage, customers and superiors. Transparency and a willingness to share information is seen as a positive attribute that enhances the feeling of trust at work place.

Are accountable – when you take a task, you take full responsibility for its success or failure. You do not skirt the issues, blame obstacles or quote problems; neither will you pass on the buck. Good leadership skills means you know what your duty is, and you never play down your responsibility.

Show respect – good leadership skills will have you show respect not only to your superiors, but also your team members and those you manage. Showing respect to all – and not only to those from whom you expect something – indicates strength of character and earns everyone’s trust and respect.

Developing self-discipline

 - Mahanthi Bukkapaptnam

Self-discipline can be considered a type of selective training, creating new habits of thought, action, and speech toward improving yourself and reaching goals.

Self-discipline can also be task oriented and selective. View self-discipline as positive effort, rather than one of denial.

Schedule a small task for a given time of the day;Practice deliberate delaying.

    Schedule a particular task in the morning and once in the evening.
    The task should not take more than 15 minutes.
    Wait for the exact scheduled time.
    When the schedule time is due, start the task.
    Stick to the schedule for at least two months.

Advantages: Scheduling helps you focus on your priorities.By focusing on starting tasks rather than completing them, you can avoid procrastination.

    Schedule a task and hold to its time;
    Avoid acting on impulse.
    Track your progress;
    At the end of the allotted time, keep a record of accomplishment that builds over time.

Advantage: Building a record will help you track how much time tasks take.

If you begin to have surplus time, fill it with small tasks, make notes to yourself, plan other tasks, etc.

Harness the power of routine.Instead of devoting a lot of hours one day, and none the other and then a few on an another day and so on, allocate a specific time period each day of the week for that task. Hold firm.Don't set a goal other than time allocation,simply set the habit of routine. Apply this technique to your homework or your projects, you will be on your way to getting things done

Advantage: You are working on tasks in small increments, not all at once. You first develop a habit, then the habit does the job for you.

Use self discipline to explore time management. Time management can become an overwhelming task.When you do not have control over your own self, how can you control time? Begin with task-oriented self-discipline and build from there.

Advantage: As you control tasks, you build self-discipline.

As you build self-discipline, you build time management. As you build time management, you build self-confidence.

Maintain a self-discipline log book. Record the start and end times of the tasks. Review for feedback on your progress

Advantage: This log book can be a valuable tool to get a better picture over your activities in order to prioritize activities, and realize what is important and not important on how you spend your time.

Schedule your work day and studies.When you first begin your work day, or going to work take a few minutes and write down on a piece of paper the tasks that you want to accomplish for that day.Prioritize the list.Immediately start working on the most important one.Try it for a few days to see if the habit works for you.Habits form over time: how much time depends on you and the habit.

Advantage: When you have a clear idea as to what you want to achieve for the day at its start, the chances are very high that you will be able to proactively accomplish the tasks. Writing or sketching out the day helps.

Discouragement:Do not be intimidated; do not be put off by the challenge. If you slip, remember this is natural. Take a break and then refresh the challenge

Tricks: Associate a new habit with an old one: If you drink coffee, make that first cup the time to write out and prioritize your tasks.

Advantage: Association facilitates neural connections!

Mark your progress: On a calendar in your bathroom, on a spreadsheet at your computer, on your breakfast table: Check off days you successfully follow up. If you break the routine, start over!

Advantage: Visualizing is a ready reinforcement of progress

Role models: Observe the people in your life and see to what extent self discipline and habits help them accomplish goals. Ask them for advice on what works, what does not.

Sharpen Your Skills

                                                                                                                                              Leo Babauta

You may think you’re pretty good at what you do. And you may be right.

But you’re not the best you can be, by a long shot. None of us are, and we might never be. It’s important for your career as a freelancer and for you personally to take what skills you have and improve them, continually, and add new skills.

Why is it important? Professionally, it will take you to the top of your game, and keep you there. It will get you better assignments and clients, better rates, a better reputation. Sharpening your skills can bring nothing but good things for your freelance career.

Personally, improvement is important. Not because you aren’t valuable and worthy and a good person already. You are. But because improvement keeps you alive, keeps you challenged and interested and passionate for what you do. Once you have no further challenges in your work, things become static and boring and tedious. But if you continually look to improve what you do, there’s never a dull moment.

So how do you continually improve your skills? Here are some suggestions:

Set aside time for learning. Whether it’s 30 minutes a day, or an hour a week, it’s important that you set aside a regular block of time to learn about your profession. That might be reading magazines or blogs or books or trade journals, that might be paying attention to the work of others, that might be taking a class, or just working on your skills on your own. Whatever you do, be sure to schedule it, and don’t miss that appointment.

Pay attention. Let’s face it: many of us have been doing what we do for so long that we do much of it without much thought. It’s second nature. But that just allows you to do what you’re doing without change, without improvement. Instead, pay closer attention to what you do, to your skills. Just that act, of paying attention, can make a big difference, because it will make you focus on those skills more, and see what you could be doing better.

Fine tune. Once you start paying attention, see how you can improve. Look closely at each skill you have, each thing you do, and see what can be made better. Things can almost always be made better. Work on each skill, practicing it until you’re perfect, trying new things, getting creative.

Get inspired. It can be hard to motivate yourself to improve, especially when what you’re already doing works for you. But if you look at the work of others, especially others at the top of your field, or past masters, it can be enough to inspire you. Find ways to get inspired by the amazing works of others every day, and you’ll never stop improving.

Learn from the masters. Study closely the work of the masters, read about them, read things they’ve written about your craft. If possible, learn from them directly, by studying under them or working with them. They got where they are today by studying from the masters that came before them.

Get critiqued. Sometimes we can’t see what we’re doing wrong, because we’re biased, too close to the work. So you need to get an outside eye to take a look at it. Ask someone you respect for a critique of your work. Ask them to be honest, and specific. And when they give you that critique, don’t be offended or hurt or angry. You want honesty. Take whatever they said that’s critical and make it a way for you to improve yourself. Make a list of their points and see how you can get better at those points.

Take a class. If there’s a class available for your skills, and it’s taught by someone better than you, it’s worth taking. Sure, you can probably get the same information from books or magazines or the Internet, but there’s nothing like a class for learning, because it forces you to take the time to sit and digest the information, and you can often get personal interactions with the teacher so that you can understand the material even better. And if you turn in work to the teacher, you’ll get a critique from an expert!

Work with those who are good. Instead of taking a class or getting a critique from someone who is at the top of your field, work with them. Collaborate, get on their team, work at their company, or do a joint project. There’s nothing that teaches you better than doing, and working with those who know what they’re doing. Pay close attention to everything that they do, ask questions.

If things get boring, look to improve. Once things get static in your work, you will begin to get bored. That’s because you’ve stopped being challenged, and stopped improving. Instead of looking for something else to do, see this boredom as a sign that you need to improve yourself, and set new challenges for yourself. Take a new look at what you do, and see what new goals you can set for yourself that will challenge you to do better.

Why Your Employees Are Losing Motivation

Business literature is packed with advice about worker motivation—but sometimes managers are the problem, not the inspiration. Here are some practices to fire up the troops. (From Harvard Management Update - by David Sirota , Louis A. Mischkind , and Michael Irwin Meltzer)

Most companies have it all wrong. They don't have to motivate their employees. They have to stop de-motivating them.

The great majority of employees are quite enthusiastic when they start a new job. But in about 85 percent of companies, our research finds, employees' morale sharply declines after their first six months—and continues to deteriorate for years afterward. That finding is based on surveys of about 1.2 million employees at 52 primarily Fortune 1000 companies from 2001 through 2004, conducted by Sirota Survey Intelligence (Purchase, New York ).

The fault lies squarely at the feet of management—both the policies and procedures companies employ in managing their workforces and in the relationships that individual managers establish with their direct reports.

Three key goals of people at work to maintain the enthusiasm employees bring to their jobs initially, management must understand the three sets of goals that the great majority of workers seek from their work—and then satisfy those goals:
* Equity: To be respected and to be treated fairly in areas such as pay, benefits, and job security.
* Achievement: To be proud of one's job, accomplishments, and employer.
* Camaraderie: To have good, productive relationships with fellow employees.

To maintain an enthusiastic workforce, management must meet all three goals. Indeed, employees who work for companies where just one of these factors is missing are three times less enthusiastic than workers at companies where all elements are present.

One goal cannot be substituted for another. Improved recognition cannot replace better pay, money cannot substitute for taking pride in a job well done, and pride alone will not pay the mortgage.

What individual managers can do?

Satisfying the three goals depends both on organizational policies and on the everyday practices of individual managers. If the company has a solid approach to talent management, a bad manager can undermine it in his unit. On the flip side, smart and empathetic managers can overcome a great deal of corporate mismanagement while creating enthusiasm and commitment within their units. While individual managers can't control all leadership decisions, they can still have a profound influence on employee motivation.

The most important thing is to provide employees with a sense of security, one in which they do not fear that their jobs will be in jeopardy if their performance is not perfect and one in which layoffs are considered an extreme last resort, not just another option for dealing with hard times.

But security is just the beginning. When handled properly, each of the following practices will play a key role in supporting your employees' goals for achievement, equity, and camaraderie, and will enable them to retain the enthusiasm they brought to their roles in the first place.

Instill an inspiring purpose. A critical condition for employee enthusiasm is a clear, credible, and inspiring organizational purpose: in effect, a "reason for being" that translates for workers into a "reason for being there" that goes above and beyond money.

Every manager should be able to expressly state a strong purpose for his unit. What follows is one purpose statement we especially admire. It was developed by a threeperson benefits group in a midsize firm.

Benefits are about people. It's not whether you have the forms filled in or whether the checks are written. It's whether the people are cared for when they're sick, helped when they're in trouble.

This statement is particularly impressive because it was composed in a small company devoid of high-powered executive attention and professional wordsmiths. It was created in the type of department normally known for its fixation on bureaucratic rules and procedures. It is a statement truly from the heart, with the focus in the right place: on the ends—people—rather than the means—completing forms.

Stating a mission is a powerful tool. But equally important is the manager's ability to explain and communicate to subordinates the reason behind the mission. Can the manager of stockroom workers do better than telling her staff that their mission is to keep the room stocked? Can he communicate the importance of the job, the people who are relying on the stockroom being properly maintained, both inside and outside the company? The importance for even goods that might be considered prosaic to be where they need to be when they need to be there? That manager will go a long way toward providing a sense of purpose.

Provide recognition. Managers should be certain that all employee contributions, both large and small, are recognized. The motto of many managers seems to be, "Why would I need to thank someone for doing something he's paid to do?" Workers repeatedly tell us, and with great feeling, how much they appreciate a compliment. They also report how distressed they are when managers don't take the time to thank them for a job well done, yet are quick to criticize them for making mistakes.

Receiving recognition for achievements is one of the most fundamental human needs.

Rather than making employees complacent, recognition reinforces their accomplishments, helping ensure there will be more of them.

A pat on the back, simply saying "good going," a dinner for two, a note about their good work to senior executives, some schedule flexibility, a paid day off, or even a flower on a desk with a thank-you note are a few of the hundreds of ways managers can show their appreciation for good work. It works wonders if this is sincere, sensitively done, and undergirded by fair and competitive pay—and not considered a substitute for it.

Be an expediter for your employees. Incorporating a command-and- control style is a sure-fire path to de-motivation. Instead, redefine your primary role as serving as your employees' expediter: It is your job to facilitate getting their jobs done. Your reports are, in this sense, your "customers." Your role as an expediter involves a range of activities, including serving as a linchpin to other business units and managerial levels to represent their best interests and ensure your people get what they need to succeed.

How do you know, beyond what's obvious, what is most important to your employees for getting their jobs done? Ask them! "Lunch and schmooze" sessions with employees are particularly helpful for doing this. And if, for whatever reason, you can't immediately address a particular need or request, be open about it and then let your workers know how you're progressing at resolving their problems. This is a great way to build trust.

Coach your employees for improvement. A major reason so many managers do not assist subordinates in improving their performance is, simply, that they don't know how to do this without irritating or discouraging them. A few basic principles will improve this substantially.

First and foremost, employees whose overall performance is satisfactory should be made aware of that. It is easier for employees to accept, and welcome, feedback for improvement if they know management is basically pleased with what they do and is helping them do it even better.

Space limitations prevent a full treatment of the subject of giving meaningful feedback, of which recognition is a central part, but these key points should be the basis of any feedback plan: Performance feedback is not the same as an annual appraisal. Give actual performance feedback as close in time to the occurrence as possible. Use the formal annual appraisal to summarize the year, not surprise the worker with past wrongs.

Recognize that workers want to know when they have done poorly. Don't succumb to the fear of giving appropriate criticism; your workers need to know when they are not performing well. At the same time, don't forget to give positive feedback. It is, after all, your goal to create a team that warrants praise.

Comments concerning desired improvements should be specific, factual, unemotional, and directed at performance rather than at employees personally. Avoid making overall evaluative remarks (such as, "That work was shoddy") or comments about employees'personalities or motives (such as, "You've been careless"). Instead, provide specific, concrete details about what you feel needs to be improved and how.

Keep the feedback relevant to the employee's role. Don't let your comments wander to anything not directly tied to the tasks at hand.

Listen to employees for their views of problems. Employees' experience and observations often are helpful in determining how performance issues can be best dealt with, including how you can be most helpful.

Remember the reason you're giving feedback—you want to improve performance, not prove your superiority. So keep it real, and focus on what is actually doable without demanding the impossible.

Follow up and reinforce. Praise improvement or engage in course correction—while praising the effort—as quickly as possible.

Don't offer feedback about something you know nothing about. Get someone who knows the situation to look at it.

There are several ways that management unwittingly de-motivates employees and diminishes, if not outright destroys, their enthusiasm.

Many companies treat employees as disposable. At the first sign of business difficulty, employees—who are usually routinely referred to as "our greatest asset"—become expendable.

Employees generally receive inadequate recognition and reward: About half of the workers in our surveys report receiving little or no credit, and almost two-thirds say management is much more likely to criticize them for poor performance than praise them for good work.

Management inadvertently makes it difficult for employees to do their jobs. Excessive levels of required approvals, endless paperwork, insufficient training, failure to communicate, infrequent delegation of authority, and a lack of a credible vision contribute to employees' frustration.

Power of Positive Talk

- Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam

I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.

One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.

My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.

I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did... fall.

My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.

This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.

My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.

Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do.

Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.

The point is made.

If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar.

If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite."

People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.

My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.

These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.

Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction.

So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, " I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc."

If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue. Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words. Notice when you or other people use them.
- But: Negates any words that are stated before it.
- Try: Presupposes failure.
- If: Presupposes that you may not.
- Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener.
- Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.
- Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.)
- Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.
- Can't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want.

This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.

Examples:
Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: "Catch the ball!"

Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"

Exercise: Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.