Real Confidence

Ernest Llynn Lotecka

Many advisors emphatically state that confidence is a key to success, yet that key can be a bit elusive. Like all behavior, reality-based confidence is built by attending to solid supportive patterns. This means practicing the “right stuff”.

Positive and realistic self-regard is based on current awareness of personal skills and qualities. Intense competitions in work and life can evoke doubts about personal worth. And any freezing or fumbling in the past can weaken confidence for further efforts. After dealing with an overly changing and challenging world, a person’s confidence may benefit from refreshing booster shots.

To confidently present ourselves with ease requires access to positive memories. This comes from having a mental inventory stocked and organized for ready access. It takes some practice for fluent action. Here is how to get ready for challenging situations where healthy confidence is valuable.

1. Clarify your active strengths. This process, recommended by the top consultants, often entails a lengthy questionnaire. To do this quickly, answer the primary question: “What do you love doing?” The answer includes what you do for free -- and would continue doing because of the enjoyment and interest, like with hobbies or charities. You might even see an enduring pattern in your life.

2. Review your personal qualities (traditionally called “virtues”). These are your great personal values that go with you, although they may not be job-related. Examples include being honest, energetic, empathetic, determined, careful, respectful, loyal, cooperative, dedicated and adaptive. Why are you a good and valuable person?

3. Relate your active strengths and personal qualities to your accomplishments. Accomplishments can be any results valued by you and confirmed by others. Go over your achievements as far back as you can remember. Replay these valued memories like replaying scenes from a favorite movie. It is easier to do when relaxing. 

List all the above as they come to mind – and keep reviewing the list until you have your whole collection memorized. If you are aiming for a particular job or role, focus on any assets relevant to that situation. Also, keep an open mind about ones that might be possible additions.

Awareness of specific needs can make the decisive difference. Bottom line: Consider how your performance can serve others in relevant ways.

When good opportunities arise, you will be ready to talk about your range of skills. Putting the spotlight on your best facets can lead to social confidence and success. There is no substitute for solid preparation and rehearsal. A handy way to put it all together is at Presenting Yourself Well (a free planning page).